if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize