You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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