woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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