wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
