I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize