i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
