peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
