wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I die, sorry about rent.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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