I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
