idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
