pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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