Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
