Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
