Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
