this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
