K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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