I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
