dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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