I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
