she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
