You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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