I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
