I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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