Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
