I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
