Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I would fuck him just for his dog
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
