Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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