I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
