Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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