u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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