Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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