she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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