Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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