You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
