So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
