yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
