Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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