Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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