Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think my fart just growled at me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
