If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
