he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
