She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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