i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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