i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
