Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
