I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
