would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
