i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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