This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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