I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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