bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Who died my cat blue again?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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