try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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