Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize