ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
