He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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