you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
