I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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