Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I puked a lego.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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