We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
