This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
