Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
