can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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