Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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