So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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