so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
