Soap is not a condiment
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
