So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
