i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
nutella sex= disaster
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
