Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize