New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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