it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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