um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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