weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
