You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
