I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
