If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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