Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
