i just wanna soil my oats bro
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
