seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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