A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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