I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
