I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
zippers are such a cool invention
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
