before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
