I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
