I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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