hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
