Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize